Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Everything and nothing to say.
You know?

So I am now officially 22 and it was the first birthday in a long time or possibly ever where I didn't really make much of a big deal of it in my head. I always feel kind of shitty or insanely slummy on my birthday because no matter how hard I try, I have expectations and they are always unmet or unfulfilled and the day ends up feeling so anti climatic and I have all these self-loathing feelings for acting like such a big spoiled kid. I'd have such conflicting feelings, I would want to stay in bed and not talk to anyone but to also be out doing significant meaningful things and say hi to everyone and have everyone say hi to me and eat cake. But this year was different, everything felt fine, things felt okay and there were pleasant surprises (small things) that left me more than fulfilled.

I have been thinking about expectations, and how having them sometimes leads to disappointment. I started thinking that maybe you shouldn't go into anything with expectations, or if you do, to have some pretty low ones. Then I was reading a tv review in the metro and the reviewer said something to the effect of, "This show will be enjoyable if you have low expectations." And seeing that in print and reading it, that idea of having to have to have low expectations in order to enjoy something just suddenly seemed so retaaaarded. It sounded like such a cop out, that the show would be excusable if you kind of turned off your mind and your thinking and your questioning, the things that makes things more interesting, more meaningful, less shitty. If you have to have low expectations for something, you probably shouldn't even be bothering with it anyways . It's better then to have appropriate expectations, reasonable expectations, and they can be seen as high or low, but they are specific to the situation, its context, and I think that leads to better feelings.

I think at least.

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