xO

HM!

So!

I think I have finally figured out why it feels like I am always so behind with school work and life in general and it feels like I am chasing at moments that slip out like a bar of soap.

I put high and equal importance to everything.

I realized that in the past years at Emily Carr, out of maybe 5 classes, I truly cared about 2, and thus would devote most of my time to those, and put as little work into the other 3. And I was okay with doing badly in those three because I knew I didn't care.

But for some reason, this year, I care about every single course and I want to do every single thing, and I think it has a lot to do with me not wanting to miss out on anything and thinking that I am young and I should be able to absorb buttloads of stuff.

But really, I am spreading myself out, I am stressed out beyond all relief, and I am not producing much that I am very happy with. I am a bit unhappy, and you know, that's boring stuff to hear and deal with. I need to prioritize what is important to me again in my head.


Also.


In the class, Design Futures, we have to write a 3000 word inclass essay about what will allow us to grow in the next ten years. And here are some of my ideas, my anchors (I just love love love this metaphor right now. ANCHORS!):


-Identify and address your fears. The way you address your fears is by gaining as much knowledge about them as possible by asking questions about it, by talking about it. Your fears totally limit you, and I think once you take them on, you realize they're not really as bad as you think they are.


-Be honest and see honestly. I think the first part of this is pretty clear, and the last part, what I mean to 'see honestly', is to look at things with a genuine interest and to look and possibly dig for the truth in it, and to not really take it at face value or go along with it because other people say it's right or great or whatever. I think everyone would benefit from honesty, I know that I have, I know that people respect it and that there is not enough of it in this world.


-Don't let things get to your head. I have a huge huge huge problem with this. I try to be as modest as possible all the time, but compliments, marks, achievements, they always get to my head and I definately suffer for it. I get cocky, I think I can do anything, and for some reason, I just end up doing nothing and wondering why I can't do anything (haha god). I don't really know how you get over it, I guess you just have to experience the failure of letting things like this get to your head to understand that it's not worth it to put value on achievements. But I think it's pretty hard to do that when we still have things like awards, competitions, and the huge fascination with celebrity, fame, and power. Another way I guess to get over not letting things get to your head is to sort of just constantly look forward and not reflect on the past.


- Know what came before you and understand the contributions made in order for things to be the way they are today. This is about respect. I think it's very important to have respect for everyone and everything. Everything is here for a reason and everyone has a story that justifies who they are. I think if you are a respectful person, people will respect you, and will see your benefits and not take advantage of you. That is a huge fear that I have for when I leave Emily Carr, that future employers/clients will just 'use' me, and that is assuming, and in a way disrespectful, it may be the truth, but I think I need to truly experience it before I can determine my opinion on that.


erm yes.
okay thank you!

i also thought this was nice:

maybe one of you (or two or three) will do this with me someday soon.

1.

i want to move mountains.

mom and dad.

YEESH.

Funny drawings from my sketchbook:

haha.

i think i need more sleep, time, and patience. And a good sandwich.

and i think my mom and dad, especially my mom, is my anchor in deciding what is wrong and what is right and what is worth it and what isn't. if i think my mom would be okay with it, i'd be okay with it. cause well. i trust my mom. and you know, i love her too. and my dad, i love him too. i think i should say that more often. especially on the gigantic internet.

swoon.

RYAN MCGINLEY
His photos are dreamy.
and naked (literally).

winona!

Jane and I in front of the buckwheat crepe mobile at the Kitsilano Farmer's Market. Farmer's market is totally awesome.


I find this picture hilarious. Ignore the bitemarks. Jane and I shared this crepe, which had goat's cheese, carmelized onions, black olives, and greens. I don't normally like black olives but eee! They were definately more than good here.

There were so many wonderful dogs at the farmers market!

I bought these shortbread cookies from a lady at the market, and OH MAN. Okay, so get this, it's a shortbread cookie...with swiss chocolate...and then INSIDE the swiss chocolate are honey nougat pieces! Ah! And cookies with icing sugar on top tend to be really appealing and pretty.


Movies I saw this week at the VIFF:


This was a french movie about a dysfunctional family who have Christmas together for this first time in ages because the daughter/sister was a total bitch and banished her brother from her life, and of course that affected the relationships between everyone in the family. The movie had nice moments, but I think for most of it I was trying to place where I've seen the actors before. And when I did place it, it was the most satisfying feeling ever. The theater was also insanely hot and I wish I had not worn socks.

I really enjoyed this film. The music was absolutely awful for it, like clip art music, or really bad pied piper music. And the titling for it was really bad as well...brush stroke! Anyways. But it was about this german chef from Ontario who goes with his wife, son, and 4 apprentices in this bus to the Vancouver Islands and he cooks meals in each island using only the produce available. What I really enjoyed about him, was it was obvious that he wants people to respect the earth, food, and to eat well and to not harm the earth in the process, but he didn't do it in a sort of lecturing or obvious way. He gave people an experience, a dinner that highlighted what the people had and to show them the possibilities of what their produce can turn into. The food looked amazing, AND VIKRAM VIJ WAS WATCHING THE MOVIE TOO!

This movie was hilarious. It's one of my most favorite of the film festival so far this year. It's a documentary that follows three guys who recently graduated from stuntman school. They are so surprisingly funny, charming, and endearing. The guy in the above picture used to be a hairdresser before he went to stuntman school, and the reason he said he wanted to be a hairdresser was because of Winona Ryder. But it was the way he told the story that was so funny, that really, you have to have to have to see it.

sing for your supper