xO

HM!

So!

I think I have finally figured out why it feels like I am always so behind with school work and life in general and it feels like I am chasing at moments that slip out like a bar of soap.

I put high and equal importance to everything.

I realized that in the past years at Emily Carr, out of maybe 5 classes, I truly cared about 2, and thus would devote most of my time to those, and put as little work into the other 3. And I was okay with doing badly in those three because I knew I didn't care.

But for some reason, this year, I care about every single course and I want to do every single thing, and I think it has a lot to do with me not wanting to miss out on anything and thinking that I am young and I should be able to absorb buttloads of stuff.

But really, I am spreading myself out, I am stressed out beyond all relief, and I am not producing much that I am very happy with. I am a bit unhappy, and you know, that's boring stuff to hear and deal with. I need to prioritize what is important to me again in my head.


Also.


In the class, Design Futures, we have to write a 3000 word inclass essay about what will allow us to grow in the next ten years. And here are some of my ideas, my anchors (I just love love love this metaphor right now. ANCHORS!):


-Identify and address your fears. The way you address your fears is by gaining as much knowledge about them as possible by asking questions about it, by talking about it. Your fears totally limit you, and I think once you take them on, you realize they're not really as bad as you think they are.


-Be honest and see honestly. I think the first part of this is pretty clear, and the last part, what I mean to 'see honestly', is to look at things with a genuine interest and to look and possibly dig for the truth in it, and to not really take it at face value or go along with it because other people say it's right or great or whatever. I think everyone would benefit from honesty, I know that I have, I know that people respect it and that there is not enough of it in this world.


-Don't let things get to your head. I have a huge huge huge problem with this. I try to be as modest as possible all the time, but compliments, marks, achievements, they always get to my head and I definately suffer for it. I get cocky, I think I can do anything, and for some reason, I just end up doing nothing and wondering why I can't do anything (haha god). I don't really know how you get over it, I guess you just have to experience the failure of letting things like this get to your head to understand that it's not worth it to put value on achievements. But I think it's pretty hard to do that when we still have things like awards, competitions, and the huge fascination with celebrity, fame, and power. Another way I guess to get over not letting things get to your head is to sort of just constantly look forward and not reflect on the past.


- Know what came before you and understand the contributions made in order for things to be the way they are today. This is about respect. I think it's very important to have respect for everyone and everything. Everything is here for a reason and everyone has a story that justifies who they are. I think if you are a respectful person, people will respect you, and will see your benefits and not take advantage of you. That is a huge fear that I have for when I leave Emily Carr, that future employers/clients will just 'use' me, and that is assuming, and in a way disrespectful, it may be the truth, but I think I need to truly experience it before I can determine my opinion on that.


erm yes.
okay thank you!

i also thought this was nice:

maybe one of you (or two or three) will do this with me someday soon.