Mexico City

Hi, it's been awhile.

I just got back from Mexico City. It was so amazing and I felt so lucky and grateful to be there.

 I was there to speak at a conference with the Creative Director of Adbusters, Pedro. And I stayed a bit longer, because it's Mexico and who wouldn't?

It was funny, I knew that the conference would be putting us up in a hotel for the nights of the event and that it would be really nice and everything would be taken care of, and the nights that I stayed after, I'd have to figure out for myself. I knew I'd be going from that to something that could be the total opposite. And in a way it was, and in a way it wasn't because everything I did and got to experience was equally nice in different ways. But this was the place that I stayed at after the conference. It was really beautiful.

And so these are the things I saw:

So many beautiful, massive, great structures.

This was creepy and fascinating at the same time. All those circles are cds hand drawn with markers and they each have a mix where you play it on this cd player from the early 2000's in the middle of the room.

This was here. I rode in this boat with old couples from Ecuador and Colombia. The one man who could speak a bit of English had a lot of sunscreen on his face, so much that his skin didn't absorb it that well and there was this layer of white over his already very pale face. I kept wondering how long the sunscreen would take to absorb into his face.

They gave everyone a flower as a gift before you got on the boat.

The colors.  So vibrant and warm.

 We were walking along and all of the sudden Pedro stopped me and we watched this bird peck at all these little toys and do these tricks, including this one where he out a mini sombrero on this baby doll and then he picks out your fortune. I love fortunes!

Said fortune. Basically it said that I shouldn't spend any money and thank god I got this fortune because after I do everything it says in it (which includes praying to all these gods every day for 3 months and some other things), I will be immune to all consumerism. Ha, thank you, bird fortune.

Animals everywhere. Stray ones.

Sleeping ones.

 Beautiful plants and trees. Lush ones.

Dry ones.

Manicured ones.

This was one of the nicest moments for me in Mexico City. I had already been walking around for hours in the sun and had so much more to see, but I couldn't will my legs anymore and they felt like they were going to collapse under me. So I just slumped down in this park to rest for a second and I saw this tall pole with what looked like a man on top of it (but I wasn't quite sure because he was so still and almost looked like a statue) and there were these men in these costumes at the bottom of it just milling about. I wondered what they were doing and couldn't make sense of it. One by one they started going up the pole and sitting on the square at the top and doing something with the ropes, and then a song started playing and they were wheeling round and round and then all of the sudden they released and came twirling slowly down. Their faces were sleepy and serene, and I thought of when you're a kid on a tire swing or being flung around by someone bigger than you and the sensation, of air passing your face, of everything blurring around you, and how nice that is. And I was also kind of in awe that things like this exist in a chaotic city, something that is traditional, from a time past, and is still performed as a way to make a living. It was a sight for tired eyes.

I met so many nice people here as well. All so kind and strong. They deal with so much shit here and it makes living in Canada seem like biggest piece of cake in the world.

I loved you Mexico City and I hope you'll have me back sometime soon. 

Forays in Clay

This was the year where I decided that any whims I had, I would follow them and see them through as much as possible.

One of them was wheel throwing pottery.

The class has just ended and this is what I came out with:

The pieces are nowhere near perfect, full of flaws, but I feel like I'll look back on these objects and enjoy all the misshapen bits about them.

I had always kind of looked at pottery with a bit of disdain. Everything that I saw that came out of pottery looked handmade in a really unbearably hippie way. But more and more people around me tried it out, kind of enjoyed it, and it was like, okay, I want to try this.

I was told that wheel throwing is a lot harder than it looks. I didn't believe anyone that told me this. How could something so calm and fluid be so hard. Also I couldn't quite take wheel throwing seriously at first slightly because of how phallic it was (grow up Ellen).

But oh my gosh it is/was so unbelievably hard. I didn't have anything for literally the first 4 weeks of class. There were moments where I was at the wheel, completely undone by a mound of clay and just wanting to cry or fall apart or somehow magically dissolve into air and never come back to class. I dreaded going to pottery at first because I would look like that idiot at the wheel who wouldn't make anything yet again. It was a reminder that the easier something looks, it means that there is an incredible amount of unseen effort behind it to make it as effortless as it seems.

The teacher had watched me and said that my actions towards the clay were quite 'gestural'. I kind of knew what he meant. And it made me kind of sad. Because he was completely right. I did all the same movements as him, but I wasn't actually doing them (if that makes sense). And it made me realize that if I want this class to work for me and to come out with SOMETHING, then I was going to have to put in more effort than I would have liked. And that was another thing that I learned (as anyone who does pottery knows, there are a bajillion metaphors in this craft that can be applied to life) - you can go through the motions, but you aren't really going to get anything out of it - you've got to bring your complete self if anything is going to happen.

I had signed up for pottery because I thought it would be a chill time where I would just hang out, throw some cups, plates, bowls, whatever and paint them nice colors. But no, it's not like that. At least not at first.

I can't tell you enough how satisfying it was when I actually somewhat sort of centered a mound of clay and made it into a cylinder. The amount of focus I had to put into it, it was a feeling I hadn't felt in ages, where everything inside and around me fell quiet. And that's one of the things that I wanted, to find a sense of calm where I am not affected by what's around me. Earlier in the process I couldn't help but feel people were looking at me all the time and seeing how hard I was struggling and how awful I looked, I was incredibly self conscious.

Now I want to be at pottery ALL THE TIME! Seriously! I love every part of the process - the wedging of the clay, centering it, making it into the desired shape, trimming it, glazing it. Oh my gosh! It's nice because normally I hate certain parts of other things that I do. Pottery is also something where I am happy just creating and making thing after thing after thing, and not really having it go anywhere. When I am painting or drawing or designing, I think about where it will end up, if I can sell it, etc. But with pottery, I am just perfectly happy that I am making things and that they exist (pssstt - friends, I will be pushing tons of my pottery onto you, you're forewarned! And also, don't be dismayed by what you see here, I'm improving, I swear!) I guess maybe I really see what I make in pottery as examples of kind of what I was thinking at the time, and I am just kind of glad that they've taken physical forms.

Speaking of which:

So this is the second piece I've ever made (the first one was so awful that I can't even look at it - I finished it just to have that satisfaction of completing something in the class and gaining momentum to make more). You can see in this 'cup' that I still could not center a piece of clay to save my life. That I probably picked it up when it was still wet and accidentally added dents in it (that actually and wonderfully make it nice for holding). And that I kind of painted it without thinking. But oh man. Do I ever love this uneven lopsided thing.

the age of wonderment.

There was a dreamcatcher making night over at Jane's. So many! So pretty! And ahem, what an...interesting juxtaposition there is in this picture.

Mine above my bed.


Keeping all the bad ones out and the good ones through. Although I have been having super deep sleeps lately and can't remember any of my dreams.

Apparently dreamcatchers aren't supposed to last forever. Being made out of twigs and yarn, they dry up and fall apart. They're supposed to protect children from nightmares until they grow into "the age of wonderment".

That sounds nice. "The age of wonderment". Dear dreamcatchers above my bed: Please see me through until then! (Which I am guessing is now).

Glorious Pizza Party

So everyone who reads this blog probably already knows about Glorious Pizza Party and how it's a pizza blog that I do with Jane and that it's us having a pizza party every week. BUT! You should go over there again and take a look cauuuuuseeee, the banner Jane made (out of real tomato paste and flash!) is cool and also the background with the pizza and party hats is really cool too and they're both new and probably weren't there the last time you were.

And until you go over there, here's some pizzas we made:



GLORIOUS PIZZA PARTY!

A Most Curious Event

Poster design I did for Curious Oyster Catering Company for their upcoming event, A Most Curious Event at Olla Flowers. It sounds like it's going to be a really nice night, flowers everywhere, and oysters! Gawd, since becoming a vegetarian, I have really singled out the meats that I miss, and oysters is definitely one of them. I could eat dozens in one sitting and not feel disgusting. I'll probably cave at this event and eat a bunch - JOIN ME!

Ahem, the invites:


If you want to go, RSVP at curiousoystercatering@gmail.com!

Speaking of curious things, get a load of this punch that I bought to cut out the circles for the invites:

Whooaaaaa, isn't this thing the funniest/craziest? So massive for doing one task. But I gotta say, this thing, it has a LIFETIME WARRANTY and has the "Ease-of-use Commendation" by the Arthritis Foundation. This thing punches like a dream, I have never had so much satisfaction/fun from making circles out of paper.

!!

Someone give me a project that needs 2 inch circles, I've got just the thing.

The Game of Kings

Watched this documentary the other night:

Bobby Fischer Against the World.

The story of Bobby Fischer is such an interesting, captivating, and somewhat cautionary tale. A kid from Brooklyn that starts playing chess at the age of 6, clearly a prodigy, studies it obsessively, destroys chess masters from Russia at a young age, wins the world championship at the age of 29, then stops playing chess at the height of his level, disappears for years and becomes a crazy recluse Anti-American and Anti-Semite (seriously crazy) and ends up and dies in Iceland.





The documentary told the story of Fischer really well (although there were some cheesy unnecessary visual effects acting as chapter breaks). It talked about how Fischer really revolutionized the game of chess not just in terms of play, but bringing it to the mainstream and popularizing it. There are such funny people in the chess world with the strangest mannerisms and it just made the documentary even more entertaining to watch. And there were just so many little things in this documentary that made it so great - the interviewees, the incidents, discussion of the chess plays and everyone was just so into it and it's like, man chess is so cool.

I'm so awful at chess. It is in the truest sense of the word, a game. And I get too nervous, too self conscious, too thoughtful in all the wrong ways that I can't think clearly. One time a friend said I could have used these mannerisms of mine to my advantage - as part of my game. But I can't do that either, I can only play in my nervous and transparent way - and man it is so bad.

I'd like to be better at it though, so uh, who wants to play me? I'm going to study youtube videos in the mean time, so watch out!

At the very least.

So here begins my foray into seeing what I can do with my hands.

I took a moccasin making workshop over at Blim last weekend, kind of on a whim, I saw it randomly, thought it was cool and signed up right away. We didn't really get much done in the class, only a 1/4 of one shoe in 4 hours! (When I signed up, I thought 4 hours was way too long, psh). When I got home, I was obsessed and couldn't stop working on them until I was finished. My hands were in pain (pushing a small needle through leather many, many times takes its toll) but I just couldn't stop. Moccasin making is tedious, it's just making sure you poke a bunch of holes your thread can go through and sewing it altogether. But it was enjoyable and I have a new appreciation for shoe making and I totally understand why Daniel Day Lewis went to be an apprentice for a shoemaker in Italy, I would/want to do the same thing.

I am also learning how to sew. I successfully made throw pillows (I CAN SEW A STRAIGHT LINE NOW! I was elated when I did this, because until then, I was hopeless with a sewing machine). I can't tell you enough how nice it is to learn a new skill, even if it's small and almost a given/basic to some people - because at the very least, you know something new, even if it's not immediately useful and beneficial.

Awhile ago I had this urge to go into Loomis and I somehow ended up at the discount bin for wooden beads and was like, oh cool, let's buy these and paint them. And here they are:


Ones I really like:



And my most favorite:

When I was painting these, I was like, man, what am I doing painting beads for. And it felt kind of dumb. But seeing them altogether, it's like, oh Ellen you're so hard on yourself and if painting beads makes you happy, then that's okay.

Because at the very least, they're pretty things to look at.

And I like this whole having whims and pursuing them thing.