Gentle Confrontations

Monday, September 26, 2016

Was really lucky and got to go back to Vancouver and Calgary for a couple of weeks each.

First, Van:

A walk with Jeff and Michelle's dog, Jing Jing.

It was so nice to walk in a dense forest and not die of humidity and sweat. 

A little corner of Megan's place.

I experienced so much kindness and generosity on this trip that made me melt with gratefulness. This was one of those moments - a picnic with Will and Sarah.

The main event of the Vancouver trip, going away for the weekend to Gibsons with my most favorite people in the world.

I turned 29. Thank you again everyone for celebrating it with me :)

Then it was off to Calgary:

My parents had moved from Singapore back to Calgary (where my brother also lives). When planning my trip to Canada, I wanted to spend as much time as I could with them, so 2 weeks sounded about right. But when I was in Van, slight feelings of dread and anxiety came back to me when I began to think about it. I wondered if I gave too much time for it and if it was going to drive me nuts. It's a hard place for me, I either have a really good or awful time there. And whether it's one or the other is mostly due to the nature of my thoughts and what I do on each trip. Because of where my parents live (a bit of a drive from the center) and Calgary's sprawling nature, I have the tendency to just hide. And it's especially easy to do when you have amazing parents, a nice place to stay and don't know anyone in the city. But if I peel myself away from that, Calgary is good to me (I guess this attitude really applies to anything in life). I can't tell you enough how good it was this time. So much so that it has made me confront questions that I've been trying so hard to avoid and forget - ones revolving around the direction of my life. After putting these thoughts off for so long out of fear of what my answers would be, it was a relief to finally admit some things, and once I did, weights had been lifted. I've been using Bali as a base for the last couple of years and I've decided that as much as I've loved it (and still do), lately I have just been struggling to make it work and feel sustainable to me. I can't make it work. I don't want to either at this moment time.

And I am excited now for what the next possibilities could be.

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